Saturday, August 8, 2009

things i havent posted about

The summer is almost over. I think i should tell you the story of every thing that happened.

After spending all my life in a comfy safe suburb in south-eastern Michigan, Was moved 2000 miles south to North-western Louisiana.I have all ways loved snow and hated heat. It NEVER snowed here and the summers, springs and falls are hot like the Dickens. I went to an inner city public school for eighth grade where everyone hated me because of my "accent",because I don't like Soulja Boy, because I still have my virginity, and because I'm smart. I made two friends but they stabbed me in the belly and always took and never gave. Enough emoness. Okay, saying i was happy for summer to start would be an understatement. since the school year was so traumatizing for me, for reasons I need not explain, I decided it was best to move forward and forget it all ever happened. the week after school ended I was Planning my trip to Michigan for Blue Lake Fine Arts camp. I was going to bunk with my best friend Anya and see the people from last year that I met. I had been looking forward to this the whole year the only real friends I had lived in Michigan and some went to Blue Lake.
The next week my brother Calvin, my sister Tasha, and her boyfriend Peter came to visit. we had fun days filled with trips to Kaleidoscoops and Walmart,and Played Melee and Mario Cart constantly. During that time I discovered a love for metal as IWABO came into my life. I got there autographs and that was probably the best day of my life... at the time. After Pete and Tasha left, and Calvin stayed I watched episodes of sailor moon and read manga online. It was pretty fun. at some point Calvin got mad at me and we stoped talking to each other (I don't remember why)I even got so angry I disowned him and refused to call him my brother.
The family feud was still going strong when the worst possible thing happened. I was talking to My friend Abena on the phone and opening a letter I got in the mail that day. I took the paper out of the envelope and began to read. It was quite possibly the worst letter I had ever gotten. i hung up on abena abruptly and began sobbing with all my violently. the letter only said that wasn't going to blue lake because there wasn't enough room, but to me it said that ill never see my friends again, the only thing I was looking forward to for a year doesn't exist, and that optimism is futile.That was important to me. I tried to get over it by dying my hair pink and shopping at hot topic but the cashier at the time was Kinda rude (the same cashier gave me a CD with cracked up case the day i got IWABO'S autograph) she made me think about no one was mean at Blue Lake. When I got home i still wasn't better and submitted to crying again. That night my mom forced me to take a babysitting job for the next day, she does stuff like this when I'm sad. BTW: all of that Blue Lake stuff happened in one day.
The kid i babysat was a total spoiled brat. she called me fat, ugly, ran away from home while i was there, never listened to a single thing I said and other things I cant talk about. I was to deal with her for the rest of the summer on a daily basis. All the while my brother hated me, and I wasn't going to go to blue Lake. One day I went online and found out that IWABO was doing a home town show. I wrote a letter begging my parents to let me go and then finally said yes. I was quiet when I got there and unfortunately my mom was with me. there was a tee shirt stand and i bought an awesome over sized shirt with a beat up bear on it (below is a pic of me wearing it)

It was hot like the Dickens in there but I put it on over my two other shirts any way. I was texting Abena while the opening bands were playing. my favorite one was Scared Of The Dark. When IWABO finally got on the stage i made my way to the front. I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EFFING EXCITED!!!!!!! Krysta and Steve talked a little to the audience they also kissed which was cute ^_^. Then when they played " You Ain't No Family" I was having the best time of my life. They played a song from there last CD, then one from there current one. The song I wanted to hear most of all was "Tastes Like Kevin Bacon".
during "Danger in the Manger" my mom grabbed my arm and made me leave. I never got to hear my favorite song. I got in a verbal fight with my mom, telling her that I was finally being myself when she took me out, which was true , I was getting happier and more care-free. I yelled and Flailed but i was WAAAAAAAAAAAY too pissed to cry (I even tried to). I felt a little better when my brother wrote me a letter saying he understands, and he does because the same thing happened to him at another concert. that night we became friends again.
since then I've been secretly angry everyday along with tired and pessimistic. still babysitting every-effing-day. As the summer went on, I was still pissed about not finishing the concert. When I started registering for school I felt allot better. Although this is a private, christian, preforming arts school, I don't know weather or not to expect friends, if it will be too hard or too easy, if I will like any of the guys there etc, etc.
the last day of babysitting was annoyingly long. I wanted to go home and sleep but the kid and her mom came into the house. the kid came into my room and said all of my pictures were ugly and danced and sung and touched all my stuff with her spit covered hands. when she left i was ecstatic.
today I got my hair done for back to school. I bought my uniform, ate cake, Watched South park with my brother and finished typing this blog. tomorrow is the last day of summer. Everything is going to be new...FOR THE SEVENTEENTH TIME!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

"Oh hey H.T. Ebasile, havent seen ya in a while."

havent post in a while have I? not that it matters, no one reads this 'cept for abena. Hey Abbie! sup? call me!
. umm things have been weird lately. well not "weird" but uhhh, well, fucked up would most likely be the better phrase. I'm still trying to find myself, where the hell am I? been looking for my self. Music is no longer the punchline to my broken heart but I feel like I don't really know what kind of music I like anymore. I'm listening to music right now: I have "There's No Penguins in Alaska" by Chiodos on repeat.
Idk what else to say...

Friday, June 26, 2009

My random opion

I feel like the worlds view on death needs to be changed. i think if you truly love some one then they never die. I think that souls live and thrive forever unless we kill them off. We think were doing ourselves a favor by forgetting the people who die and living on with our lives. When in reality were showing the insignificance of the people we love. I think the world would be a happier place if people understood that death is really just a separation of the soul from the body. The world isn't so shallow that they literally only love who they love for whats shone and bodily, no matter who you are or how evil you may be in other aspects, every one who loves someone at all, some percentage of that persons soul is part of reasons they are beloved. so if you love someone keep there soul alive in your heart.
~in loving memory of Michael Jackson.~

A Generation of Dead Heathers

About three years ago I watched the movie Heathers for the first time. it was on TV one night and I was about 11. It like, is seriously my most favorite movie of almost all time. Three years later I went to the library and picked up a book called Generation Dead. After reading that i declared that Daniel Waters was my favorite author. I didn't know that Dan also wrote Heathers. I thought it was just some other Daniel Waters.
I went to target yesterday and finally bought Heathers on DVD. When I read the case and saw his name I thought it was some other Daniel waters. Then I had to watch the special features to know for sure that it really was him. When I found out it was I thought to myself "well that explains my whole childhood".
Last night I watched the movie for the first time in a while. I found some things that creeped me out. Like how heather # one said "Did you eat brain tumours for breakfast?" and then the actress who played her died of a brain tumor in 2001. Well that was really the only thing that creeped me out. I wonder if anyone else noticed that. But all together it was a great movie, i give it eighty-eight stars. One big reason why it's awesome is because of the message it gives about suicide, and teens. I really feel like Dan just gets it.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Shiver, Smile, Kiss. (a poem)

its dark and screaming to come out
when it does it loves me unlike the majority of my beloveds
it keeps me a twisted type of company
so twisted i cant help but smile and shiver
i feel cold and grow pale,
but the lose of it is ecstasy
i want to lose it all one day,
to feel extreme cold,
to grow so pale that i look gray,
to feel all the dark warmth fall from me
and shiver, and smile
then kiss the grimmest force of nature.

WHO EFFING MIS-SPELLS "ZOMBIES"?!? well... me of course.


i was triying to draw a zombie comic book cover ( with no intention of writing a comic book) like as a form of art. when i was done with my picture i really liked it. i was satisfied with every thing until i looked at it a second time. "shit" i thought "i wrote zobies instead of zombies" i was really flippin pissed because this wasn't something you could just erase, because if i did i would ruin the whole picture. I'm a little sad but i guess every artist fails at some point in life.




ART FAIL.

Philanthropist or Phsyco?

last night i went crazy and decided to give like 95% of my clothes to the goodwill. kinda because things have been going super shitty for me, I'm hoping karma will kick in. now i have like four t-shirts two sweaters, one winter coat, two skirts, six pairs of pants, and three dresses. the only things i didn't throw away at all were underwear, bras, and shoes. praying this wasn't a senseless act of craziness rather than a charitable choice.